The other day an old friend whom I met after a long time quipped, ‘Keerthi, you have changed.’
Thinking of it now I wonder how irksome this comment is? Just like me have you ever wondered what this phrase means?
Well, if change is constant, then it is philosophical. If someone observes the change, then it is social. In both ways, the change is not mine.
To test it out practically was something I always wanted to do. So, naturally, when I saw this prompt, it tickled one of my thought that was once buried deep under many layers of critical thinking. That is my other persona thinking and prompting me; the subconscious me is always ready to ruffle her feathers! I had to satisfy her! There was no other option left as she tends to disturb my sleep once she is out of her corner and questioning.
What would I do without her!
However, when I brood over the change in me as to what I was and what I am, I feel the core in me has not change; The world in me is not shaken; The ground beneath my feet is still the same.
Let me dissect my likes and affinities.
Well, the thought is to go back in time, say like 20 years ago and make a list of things I used to like or say love as a child and figure out how I feel about the same now. Though it was a fun activity to cheer myself up from ongoing down’s of my life, jogging up those old memories was quite a task!
First of all, high five to all fellow readers whose favourite dessert happens to be Ice Cream.
I was just three years old when I first had ice cream and instantly fell in love with it. Though it has been 27 years since then, the level of excitement I feel when someone says, ‘Let’s have an ice cream’ is still the same. It was unmanageable for my parents to make me eat anything unless there is ice cream to bribe me into eating food.
Cut to present,
My craving for ice cream is still the same, and I can easily have it thrice a day for all 365 days. But, I resist myself from doing that because that would be insane. I learned to control my cravings and become more resilient over time.
I love dogs. Period. Anyone who has seen me as a kid would be shocked to see me playing with a dog. That was how scared I was of dogs. I loved them even as a kid, but still, they scared the hell out of me. So, I always used to be away from them and enjoy watching them cuddle and play with others. At some point, in my childhood days, I had this thought of adopting a dog. There were also days when my tantrums gave nightmares to my parents. Poor souls, what could they do when I cried day in and out to get me a puppy. Even if my parents got me a puppy, I don’t understand how I would have cared and pampered it with my love when I always kept distance out of fear.
There are some things in life which you want but still, are not ready for it. Wanting something and being prepared for the same are two different things altogether.
Cut to present,
Now, my fear of dogs is gone (Thanks to my dear friend, Chaitu). Along with that, I also have clarity that I am not yet ready to adopt a dog or say a pet. The reason being, I am not fit to take up responsibility just-yet. It would be a punishment to my pet if I cannot care for it and not be emotionally present to develop a bond with my pet. It would be the worst thing to do to any being I truly and deeply love. That shows me; I am more matured than I was at that stage.
My love for books started a bit late in my life. I was in 7th standard when I first read a book which was out of my class syllabus. Thanks to my cousin for that. He gifted me the first three books of the ‘Harry Potter’ series then. Those books helped me plant seeds of my imaginary world which still thrive for more knowledge and information. I created that world in a tiny chamber of my mind. That was when I first met my subconscious self. Once a quiet and dull place but not any more as I am a frequent visitor to that chamber after being introduced to books.
The memory of me paying a visit to the school library for the first time is still fresh and seems like it was just yesterday that I passed through that door. Once I got a taste of my imaginary world, it was hard to resist.
That sweet spot I had in my library right beside the window and the time I spent reading books in that sacred adobe of my school is still one of the best memories of my school days.
Now, when I look back and think about it, books in many ways have moulded me, harnessed my thinking and made me what I am today. Also, how can I not brag about my book shelf! (Wink)
I feel somehow I most certainly will fall short of words to describe my feelings and emotion when my parents got me a pedal cycle. In short, I felt like it was my Royal Enfield. It is tough to express the pride I felt in riding that cycle. I was on cloud nine as I peddled through the narrow lane and entered the main road. Say, you got wings all of a sudden; How would you describe your feeling of flying high in the sky with wings! That was my feeling to be exact when I rode the ‘Pink Lady Bird’ that my parents got me.
Cut to present,
The constant in this equation is my love for riding, and the variables are Cycle, Scooty, Bike or Car. The transition from Bicycle to Car was smooth for me.
If my memory is precise, I think it was approximately 20 years ago, a sensation named Pokemon hit the world like a wave. It was a hit all over the globe. I still remember how I used to rush home after school to not miss watching the show on TV. We didn’t have a Dish connection at home then, and that program was telecasted only in Cartoon Network. The only way I could watch it was at my neighbour’s place as they had a Dish connection.
Cut to present,
I have three Pokemon printed T-shirts in my wardrobe. That says it all! (Wink)
I call all these as materialistic small pleasures we have imbedded in us since childhood which reflect our thoughts and thinking in many ways. That core self of us never changes.
We evolve and increase our limits of thinking and learning,
We also learn to unlearn,
We learn to be more stubborn but in a positive sense,
We learn to love more,
We become emotionally stronger,
We learn that failure is necessary.
After all, those pitstops help us be cautious and prepared for what’s about to come in future. All that we go through; good, bad & ugly help us attain a shade to our personality. Don’t you think?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this!
I received this tag from Shalini Basiwala at Shalzmojo blog. It’s my pleasure to pass on this tag to Ruchi Nasa at The Vagabond. There are 28 of us on this Blog Hop and it will be spread over 3 days – 6, 7, 8 September 2019. Do follow the #WordsMatter Blog Hop and prepare to be surprised!
Thats all for today folks. I sign off with a hope to see you soon!
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Ofcourse, our past acts as a building block for our present.
What a delightful read. I knew about the books, but the ice-cream and dogs was new information. You’re right about dogs being a lot of work and with your present commitment it would be unfair to your parents too.
I have been battling with the same thoughts recently about getting a dog. I loved one very important sentence in this post , “We also learn to unlearn”. This is the first change that should happen to us, I feel. The mind is clogged with so much wrong and outdated information otherwise!
Ice creams are my favourite too. As we grow we become more health-conscious and cut on ice creams but I feel emotional health is one thing which if satisfied keeps you healthy and fit in any age.
Our pasts are why we are here and cherishing them, learning from our experiences and getting better by the day is what makes our life interesting
This was a wonderful read. Your bisection and comparison between your then and now were engaging. It is true our core always remains the same. It is basically our thinking pattern that goes through a change and evolves constantly. My love for ice cream could have matched with yours until a few years ago since now I have gone completely over it citing the health. And, so does the dilemma of keeping a pet dog. For me, now I think the time is coming for me to dive into the pet-owning waters especially with the kid getting closer to achieve the 10-year age mark.
Interesting analysis of then and now!
What a fabulous read this was, Keerthi! I too was afraid of dogs, yet loved them. In fact, I am still afraid of dogs, yet love them. We had a cute puppy when I was in 3rd grade, but I was terrified of that fur ball. One of my next project is to get over the fear and get a dog when the kids are little older. I thought it was my peculiar nature – fear and love for the same being – glad to know there were others. ☺️
For others we may appear changed, but for the self these changes are only part of growing up, which is inevitable. Hence I understand “you have changed!” sometimes invoke “ what are you talking about” thought bubbles.
This post of yours made me wonder – Have I changed? I think I have. Though, like you said the core remains the same but we do change in a million ways. I was recently talking to a friend (who has an elephantine memory) and she said I did something which I couldn’t begin to imagine ever doing. That’s how much I’ve changed. Somethings endure of course – including the love for ice cream and books :-).
PS: The illustrations were the cutest. Did you do them?
Candid, frank and delightful encapsulation of the changes you’ve noticed in yourself the past twenty years.
I just had a look at your bookshelf and it is beautiful. Love the lighting. I love dogs too, and yes the mature thing to do is not to fall prey to our desires and think practically. I have changed a lot – likes, dislikes, personality. But even then I am still the same.
True. Our core never changes. We evolve, become better, become more . But at heart we are the same. And that reminds me , I have run out of ice cream!
How wonderful to read this perspective Keerthi-I agree with you on that the core remains the same. It just grows up with us and evolves and adapts. You presented such a wonderful picture of yourself vis-a-vis this post and I can imagine you now as a happy go lucky kid, mad about Pokemon 🙂 Stay yourself and keep growing!!
Love the illustrations- they added so much to the post!
I think that the “changes” we go through are so subtle and ongoing that they are more noticeable to others than they are to us. Just like the time a coworker described my dad (who worked at the same company) as “that distinguished gray-haired gentleman” and I went home, that night, to see my dad – who I saw every day – through her eyes, and realized his hair had gone mostly gray, and was no longer blonde. I’d just never really NOTICED as the change was gradual. I do think that the core of who we are, what we value, how we treat people, simply becomes clearer and more solidified. The materialistic likes do change a lot more over time, because there are always new things to try. Perhaps you liked homemade ice cream but recently discovered a passion for the new nitrogen-frozen flavors. Or, like me, you loved the idea of having a pet and realized that you were quite capable of caring for children but now, 20+ years on, you have an “empty nest” and no wish to add pets to the household, because you value this newfound “freedom” to travel and do things as a couple again, content in knowing that your children are now quite capable of taking good care of themselves! These are more situational changes – just changes, not in values, but in priorities.
Loved this post. It was candid and very logically done – topic by topic and then and now 🙂
It lovely to know you a bit, Keerthi. I am glad you chose this prompt to write about your thoughts. Frankly, Corinne, Shalini and I wanted this blog hop to be a place where bloggers can write from the heart. You did exactly that. Hugs!