The other day an old friend whom I met after a long time quipped, ‘Keerthi, you have changed.’
Thinking of it now I wonder how irksome this comment is? Just like me have you ever wondered what this phrase means?
Well, if change is constant, then it is philosophical. If someone observes the change, then it is social. In both ways, the change is not mine.
To test it out practically was something I always wanted to do. So, naturally, when I saw this prompt, it tickled one of my thought that was once buried deep under many layers of critical thinking. That is my other persona thinking and prompting me; the subconscious me is always ready to ruffle her feathers! I had to satisfy her! There was no other option left as she tends to disturb my sleep once she is out of her corner and questioning.
What would I do without her!
However, when I brood over the change in me as to what I was and what I am, I feel the core in me has not change; The world in me is not shaken; The ground beneath my feet is still the same.
Let me dissect my likes and affinities.
Well, the thought is to go back in time, say like 20 years ago and make a list of things I used to like or say love as a child and figure out how I feel about the same now. Though it was a fun activity to cheer myself up from ongoing down’s of my life, jogging up those old memories was quite a task!
First of all, high five to all fellow readers whose favourite dessert happens to be Ice Cream.
I was just three years old when I first had ice cream and instantly fell in love with it. Though it has been 27 years since then, the level of excitement I feel when someone says, ‘Let’s have an ice cream’ is still the same. It was unmanageable for my parents to make me eat anything unless there is ice cream to bribe me into eating food.
Cut to present,
My craving for ice cream is still the same, and I can easily have it thrice a day for all 365 days. But, I resist myself from doing that because that would be insane. I learned to control my cravings and become more resilient over time.
I love dogs. Period. Anyone who has seen me as a kid would be shocked to see me playing with a dog. That was how scared I was of dogs. I loved them even as a kid, but still, they scared the hell out of me. So, I always used to be away from them and enjoy watching them cuddle and play with others. At some point, in my childhood days, I had this thought of adopting a dog. There were also days when my tantrums gave nightmares to my parents. Poor souls, what could they do when I cried day in and out to get me a puppy. Even if my parents got me a puppy, I don’t understand how I would have cared and pampered it with my love when I always kept distance out of fear.
There are some things in life which you want but still, are not ready for it. Wanting something and being prepared for the same are two different things altogether.
Cut to present,
Now, my fear of dogs is gone (Thanks to my dear friend, Chaitu). Along with that, I also have clarity that I am not yet ready to adopt a dog or say a pet. The reason being, I am not fit to take up responsibility just-yet. It would be a punishment to my pet if I cannot care for it and not be emotionally present to develop a bond with my pet. It would be the worst thing to do to any being I truly and deeply love. That shows me; I am more matured than I was at that stage.
My love for books started a bit late in my life. I was in 7th standard when I first read a book which was out of my class syllabus. Thanks to my cousin for that. He gifted me the first three books of the ‘Harry Potter’ series then. Those books helped me plant seeds of my imaginary world which still thrive for more knowledge and information. I created that world in a tiny chamber of my mind. That was when I first met my subconscious self. Once a quiet and dull place but not any more as I am a frequent visitor to that chamber after being introduced to books.
The memory of me paying a visit to the school library for the first time is still fresh and seems like it was just yesterday that I passed through that door. Once I got a taste of my imaginary world, it was hard to resist.
That sweet spot I had in my library right beside the window and the time I spent reading books in that sacred adobe of my school is still one of the best memories of my school days.
Now, when I look back and think about it, books in many ways have moulded me, harnessed my thinking and made me what I am today. Also, how can I not brag about my book shelf! (Wink)
I feel somehow I most certainly will fall short of words to describe my feelings and emotion when my parents got me a pedal cycle. In short, I felt like it was my Royal Enfield. It is tough to express the pride I felt in riding that cycle. I was on cloud nine as I peddled through the narrow lane and entered the main road. Say, you got wings all of a sudden; How would you describe your feeling of flying high in the sky with wings! That was my feeling to be exact when I rode the ‘Pink Lady Bird’ that my parents got me.
Cut to present,
The constant in this equation is my love for riding, and the variables are Cycle, Scooty, Bike or Car. The transition from Bicycle to Car was smooth for me.
If my memory is precise, I think it was approximately 20 years ago, a sensation named Pokemon hit the world like a wave. It was a hit all over the globe. I still remember how I used to rush home after school to not miss watching the show on TV. We didn’t have a Dish connection at home then, and that program was telecasted only in Cartoon Network. The only way I could watch it was at my neighbour’s place as they had a Dish connection.
Cut to present,
I have three Pokemon printed T-shirts in my wardrobe. That says it all! (Wink)
I call all these as materialistic small pleasures we have imbedded in us since childhood which reflect our thoughts and thinking in many ways. That core self of us never changes.
We evolve and increase our limits of thinking and learning,
We also learn to unlearn,
We learn to be more stubborn but in a positive sense,
We learn to love more,
We become emotionally stronger,
We learn that failure is necessary.
After all, those pitstops help us be cautious and prepared for what’s about to come in future. All that we go through; good, bad & ugly help us attain a shade to our personality. Don’t you think?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this!
I received this tag from Shalini Basiwala at Shalzmojo blog. It’s my pleasure to pass on this tag to Ruchi Nasa at The Vagabond. There are 28 of us on this Blog Hop and it will be spread over 3 days – 6, 7, 8 September 2019. Do follow the #WordsMatter Blog Hop and prepare to be surprised!
Thats all for today folks. I sign off with a hope to see you soon!