I am taking part in Write Tribe Pro-blogger challenge, and the prompt for today was to put the music player on shuffle or tune in to my favorite radio station and use the song played first as the prompt.
I chose the former and it played “It’s Not Easy”; a song by Vladimir John Ondrasik III aka Five for Fighting.
Well, I thought of many things that are not easy for me to do and started to make notes. The list just kept growing. So I stopped, took a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts and started thinking about those things which I felt were not easy for me to accomplish in the past. To my surprise, even that list kept growing. Many things which I once felt to be tough are quite easy now!
So I thought… why bother about things that are not easy for me? Let me focus on things that I accomplished by overcoming that feeling! The mere thought of it boosted my confidence!
So in this post, I’ll be talking about two things from that long list which I once had felt were difficult to do but accomplished them eventually.
Change in life was something I could never welcome whole heartedly. First it was moving out of the town where I spent my childhood. My dad struggled a lot to get a transfer to Hyderabad so that I need not stay in hostel after my schooling. All he ever wanted was to provide D and me proper education and see us successful and happy. Moving to Hyderabad from Mancherial was part of that plan. The thought of leaving the place where I spent more than a decade of my childhood seemed painful. Leaving the school I considered as my second home was devastating! I still remember how I managed to create a scene when it was time for us to leave! When my attempt of crying and gaining sympathy failed, with nothing much left to do, I sat silently and didn’t even utter a single word during our journey to Hyderabad. The melodrama continued even after I was enrolled into a new school in Hyderabad.
There was pain, agony and what not! Everything came into play. I barely spoke to anyone and used to imagine my beloved teachers from my old school teaching me. Hallucinations had hit the peak stage by then!
My perception changed when I met M there. We became best friends and life changed for me. She helped me rediscover myself and I will always be grateful to her for that! Eventually I learned that even change is good sometimes!
I feel “trust” is like the Big-Boss of all the feelings. Once broken, it is difficult to win back. My life has been one crazy roller coaster ride and trust never came to me that easily! Even after M, I made friends. I took time to trust them but once that was accomplished, we became best friends. But somehow my journey with trust came to a halt after a riff with a friend of mine at college. Years went by, yet another roller coaster ride passed and I ended up being even more reserved. I shut my feelings completely and did not choose to open up to anyone! I have been unfaithful in a way for many years to my family and friends by not being myself with them. Being a victim of child abuse, it was always difficult for me to make friends or keep up with them for long run. Still, luckily I met these awesome people who put up with me even during my worse phases! Despite that, there was still that fear residing in me that my opinions may not be valued or my rebellious thoughts might deem me as an outcast. So, I decided to go with the flow and kept my feelings to myself! My worst fear was to see pity in someone’s eyes for me.
Then I met S, who made me realize how foolish I had been. For people who love me will not judge me based on my choices and treat me differently because of my past! My thoughts resonated with S and we became very good friends. S helped me understand that being the real me is not a sin and people who love me will not judge me based on my opinions. Slowly I learned to trust again. I might not have reached a stage where I can trust someone completely but I am happy that I have started working towards achieving it.
I learned that many a times we end up discouraging or demotivating ourselves due to lack of confidence.
Do not limit yourself. Challenge the possibilities. Defy the odds or simply be YOU!
I AM TAKING PART IN THE WRITE TRIBE PROBLOGGER OCTOBER 2017 BLOGGING CHALLENGE.